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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.