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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
Saying “sounds good” is probably the nicest way to abruptly end a conversation.
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!