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I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!