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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either