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For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
I`m never free but I`m available.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.