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Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
Life`s short ... Drink fast