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I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
I said "Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t." but the judge didn`t buy it.
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
Autocorrect changed "you`re so wise" to "you`re so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here