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"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom.