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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can`t find it...
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
No. My hair magically got shorter.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.