Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
The songs I like always come on when Iām supposed to be getting out of my car.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.