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I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
drink beer ?? save water
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
"..all the king`s horses & all the king`s men couldn`t get Humpty together again" ... What guy thought horses might figure it out?
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.