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I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.