Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish Tony the Tiger would burst into a raisin commercial and yell “They’re graaaapes!”
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me.
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!