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Stovetop Directions: 1.) Use microwave.
Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops