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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
When you "pretend speak" to someone in the background while ordering takeout so that the restaurant doesn`t judge your big order for one.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...