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As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.