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Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.