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Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it`s an intervention.
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.