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I just did my budget for August. If I don`t buy food ... I won`t need toilet paper. I think I`m on to something here.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
My cardio is shopping.
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.