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People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why