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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.