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I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.