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You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol