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You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on and a shoulder to hold her bra strap on!!!
Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they`re gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.