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Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.