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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
u cant spell awesome without me
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.