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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.