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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
I believe in love at first episode.
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do one thing every day that scares you" and that`s why I weigh myself in the mornings.
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a break and enter.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
If Shakespeare is correct and "all the world is a stage" then I seriously would like to be in control of that trap door.
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!