Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
I find it ironic that it takes 12 steps to get a beer out of my fridge.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
Buying your wife a gun is like saying. "You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise."