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Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?
Buying your wife a gun is like saying. "You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise."