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I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
My problem is that all food is comfort food
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.