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I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
On the plus side of 2017, the use of the words `awesomesauce` and `amazeballs` were at an all time low.
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.