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Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
Please God take me back to being 12 & let me start again & mess up my life in an entirely different way. I have fresh ideas.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
When someone shows you they don`t want to be a part of your life, let them go. I`m not saying you can`t make a voodoo doll of them, though.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.