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I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
Cops love donuts…. just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.