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Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
Sadly, the opposite sex is ignoring me like a check engine light.
The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
I love how people say they`re "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it`s okay if they put the receipt in my bag.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`