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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
Yes we`re friends on facebook but that`s where it ends, stop trying to talk to me in real life... mom
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
u cant spell awesome without me
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.