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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
I can`t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
Someone invited me to their dog`s birthday party on Saturday. What a freak! I am NOT coming to your dog`s birthday party! Besides, my cat is getting married that weekend!
Hi Iām an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.