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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.