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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
Job interview `What is your biggest weakness?` `Honesty` `I don`t think honesty is a weakness` `I don`t give a flying *#(@ what you think!`
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-