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One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.