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The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
Apparently members of the Westboro Baptist Church were outside a theater when the marquee gave way and came crashing down injuring several of them amidst their protest. Witnesses overhead many of the members muttering to themselves, "It must be a sign."
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.