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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.