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The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.