Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
I wish conversations were like user agreements, where I could skip to the end and just agree.
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
If the Sahara Desert had a motto it would be "Long time, no sea."
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.