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A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.