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Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.