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Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
Whoever invented grass must be a billionaire that stuff is everywhere
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...