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I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."