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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
Boss: Where`s the progress report I asked u for. Me: I haven`t made any progress, that`s my report! - What I imagine it`d be like if I had a job
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it`s okay if they put the receipt in my bag.