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When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.