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My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
That Awkward Moment when you Greet you Brother on some random website. Brett to Daniel. sup Lerch!
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
I have never walked toward the exit of a supermarket without nervously wondering if I`ve stolen something.
If you`re camping and you have WiFi, you`re not camping.
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
When someone shows you they don`t want to be a part of your life, let them go. I`m not saying you can`t make a voodoo doll of them, though.
Buying my wife a matching belt and bag for her birthday. We`ll have that vacuum cleaner working in no time.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
Iām having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.