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LIFE TIP: The early worm gets dismembered, and eaten alive!
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.