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I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
pudding... thats always a funny word
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.