Daily Silly Status

Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t

Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?

My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.

I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.

Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.

Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.

It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!

I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.

Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets

I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”

I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come

Nothing embarrasses a psychic more that throwing them a surprise party.

There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.