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My favorite part of the day? The food part.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
Some of us live thousands of miles away from the majority of our relatives and can`t be with them for the holidays. But don`t be jealous.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands