Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
You don’t have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn`t make the cut.