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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
It`s a little disappointing when you`re watching a school basket ball game & no one turns into a werewolf.
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
I am hungry 25 hours a day
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.