Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Helpful Tip: Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
Ever wonder why divorces are expensive? Because they are worth it!
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.