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Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
AWESOME!
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops