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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
Get Dora and Boots on this missing plane case now, Dora solves the case everytime