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I wonder if angry people know about naps?
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.