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I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their car keys.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.