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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..