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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!