Daily Silly Status

This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.

I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.

my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.

I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.

When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.

Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.

You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.

I was told that I had an alcohol problem, but I think me and Captain Morgan have it figured out..

Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.

Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes

Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective

No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.

If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.

I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.

I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.