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My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.