Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
There is no greater stress than the stress of a guy who forgot his phone & left it at home with his wife.
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
Siri, where are my pants?
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.
You know you`re a mom when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.