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If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
How Big is Infinity?
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.