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I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?