Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
“Is it food time yet?” = The summarization of most of my thoughts.
going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug