Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...