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I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...