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They say women only use 10% of their anger
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.