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At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window