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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There’s liquor and you can’t hear them.
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
So much to do and so few alibis.
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
Instead of spending $2,000 on a purse, some of you ladies should use the money for therapy sessions.
I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks