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That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)