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Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think, “Oh crap! It’s the cops!”?
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.