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Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when your finished.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.