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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
I’m really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight…I got extra.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops