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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
You just dont know how dumb you are until you get a little smarter
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.