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When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.