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We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
My pessimism has never failed me, but I`m sure someday it will.
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
The less you know, the more you think you do.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.