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Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I`m stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
Girl: I have changed my mind. Boy: Thank God! Does the new one work?
Water is so good when it`s mixed with grains and yeast, fermented and then distilled and aged.
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
Everyone sends text like "good morning sunshine", so I texted "good morning solar eclipse" ... Yeah, don`t do that.