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Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100`s of strangers` mouths
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."
I have nothing!