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I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
The doctors say im going to be ok. I must warn you the dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.
It takes balls to be a man.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
Whenever you`re powerless, remember: A single one of your pubic hairs can shut down a restaurant.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.