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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.