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Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
Just stepped outside, closed my eyes, took a deep breathe of fresh air, sipped a Dew. What a perfect morning, what could go wrong? Crap I forgot 2 put pants on!
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
ok ladies quick question?,say a guy wanted to wear a thong does he tuck shirt in or out? Asking for a friend.
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.