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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn`t use Real dinosaurs.
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.