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They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
No one has ever been in an empty room.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.