Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Worry: a waste of imagination.
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
I checked my calendar, and I won`t give a f*ck tomorrow either.
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
Carfax but for people
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.