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There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
I was born to be happy… not normal.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.