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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
Hello...
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.