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Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of margaritas as “Plan B”
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
I get my cardio from caffeine...
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
A woman just dropped a 20 dollar bill next to me. I thought, `What would Jesus do?`, so I turned it into wine ... Well, I bought wine.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.