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I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".