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Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
Beer is like sex. When it’s good it’s good…when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
People with kids, your posts are all the birth control I need.
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver