Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
When I was a boy, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can`t do that now, to many damn security cameras!