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Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
I don`t always have awkward moments, but when I do I make sure I write them on Facebook so my friends know how awkward they were.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
only 9530 days until retirement.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
Printing an expiration date on a bag of Cheetos is just a waste of ink.
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.