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Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
Spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"