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Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
As a child, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.
You know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.