Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
F*ck spiders. F*ck them and the way they move their legs, f*ck their ability to multiply by the million and f*ck their eight, beady little black eyes that offer unblinking, soulless glimpses of the blackest depths of hell itself.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
My view on chocolate: God’s way of saying, “No hard feelings,” to those of us who aren’t getting any.
Come on Facebook friends. Be honest with me. Does my butt make my pants look fat?
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.