Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.